Why Consent Is Key?
BDSM is exciting and a lot of people have recently discovered it due to Fifty Shades of Gray and the popularity of BDSM on the internet. With that there are many people who are still in the learning stage when it comes to BDSM dating. There are many things to learn and the learning process is both exciting and important.
One issue that constantly gets raised in the BDSM world by new members and experienced ones alike, is consent. Today we are going to address why consent is so key to the BDSM world.
Sex Without Consent Is Rape
The number one reason that BDSM is so dependent on consent is that sex without consent, is still rape. No matter how you justify it, there is no way for a person to give up their ability to say no to having sex.
Rape is a crime and the BDSM community fully supports any member to come out and take legal action against those who don't get consent. The whole community will come to stand behind that person. Anyone who doesn't agree, is typically not welcomed by other members of the community.
Rape is a complete and utter violation of anyone's human rights. Almost every country in the world has laws against rape. These laws come with heavy penalties, as is deserved.
Limits Are There For A Reason
One way to help establish what members of the BDSM world establish consent before a scene takes place is to come up with limits. Limits are things that a person does not want to do. Any hard limit is something that a person does not consent to under any circumstance. These must be adhered to.
Some people opt to have soft limits. Soft limits are similar to hard limits but they can be pushed. At any time though, if someone feels uncomfortable with their soft limits being pushed, they should have a caution word to let their partner know.
These limits exist so that practitioners in the BDSM world know ahead of time what is consented to and what is not. Just because there is a D/s relationship in place, does not make it okay to force stuff upon a person. This is where Fifty Shades of Gray confuses people, it implies that you do not need to get consent if there is a D/s relationship.
Safe-words Are Removed Consent
During a BDSM dating scene partners will have what is known as safe-words. These words, once spoken, should end the scene. Safe-words are only used when a person is overwhelmed by a scene, is in pain, or otherwise wants to stop the scene. Before a scene begins these words are discussed so that all parties know the word.
Discussing the words beforehand and using the same safe-word each time helps to ensure there is no excuse to not stop when the safe-word is said.
We already briefly touched on caution words, these words mean it is time to slow down or you are not enjoying the route that the scene is taking. Your partner can continue but needs to find something else to do.
Everything must stop when the main safe-word is used. Once that safe-word is used, all consent is withdrawn and you are proceeding down the road of rape.
No Enjoyment Without Consent
BDSM isn't all about forcing your will upon someone else, part of the fun is the power play. Without consent, both parties are not fully enjoying the experience. All power has been taken away from the submissive, and yes, the submissive does have power. BDSM is a world of powerplay and the balance of power.
Why would you want to engage in BDSM if you couldn't enjoy the experience?
Consent is important in any sexual act that you perform. It is someone agreeing that the act is okay. Again, without consent, any sexual act is considered rape and assault.
The acts that happen in BDSM such as bondage and pain play make consent even more important. Injury and more are far more likely during BDSM dating scenes than other types of sex. It can also cause more emotional harm than other types of sex.
Remember, before any scene get consent and discuss what should and shouldn't happen. This will help to create an understanding and ensure enjoyment!