5 Red Flags In BDSM
A BDSM relationship is one that is supposed to be built on trust. Limits are important and so is consent. Without trust or consent, your relationship isn't BDSM. It is abuse, rape, or a combination of that and other crimes. For this reason you need to be very careful to watchout for red flags in BDSM dating and relationships.
Ignoring A Safeword And/Or Limit
If your partner continues after you have said your safeword, that is one of the biggest red flags out there. Probably is also one of the most obvious. Should your partner ignore a safeword you need to evaluate the situation. Talk about it, but in many cases this is one of the biggest no no's in the BDSM world.
An important part of BDSM is discussing your relationship before hand. Safewords aren't the only thing that a dom needs to respect. Your boundaries are known as limits, things you don't want to do. If a dom ever makes you do something outside your limits, then that should be a red flag. That being said, you might also have soft limits and hard limits. Hard limits are more set in stone then the soft ones. Pushing soft limits is always more acceptable.
The Idea That You Need To Be Broken
Often there is this idea that a new submissive needs to be broken, just like someone might break an animal. The dominant feels like they need to break the sub down in order for them to properly obey. This frame of mind can be dangerous and should be a red flag. That is, if they don't have a plan.
A dominant who wants to break down their submissive should also have a plan on how they are going to build their submissive back up again. The plan should be very solid and should inspire confidence in you. Some professionals say that the dom should have people who are willing to testify to their experience before you ever let someone do this.
Allowing someone to break your will is a big step in the BDSM world. Consider strongly before ever allowing someone to even try to do so.
Preventing You From Being Part Of The BDSM Community
There is a difference between being jealous and being over controlling. Some controlling doms will attempt to stop you from speaking to other members of the BDSM community because they are nervous that you will find someone who is better. This isn't what the BDSM community is about. The community is about providing a safe place for like minded people to connect and for people to find new friends.
Block You From Social Media
Social media is an invention that is relatively new and there are people who don't want to participate in the great online network for legitimate reasons. However, if a dom tries to block you from all kinds of social media and communications without your consent, that is a red flag. There are plenty of dominant people out there who will attempt to block communication because they are scared that you might be talking to someone else.
With modern technology, be aware that it is possible for a dominant to block your communication without your knowledge. If all of a sudden you can't talk to people online or your profiles disappear, it is time to take a look at what might be causing it.
Do They View You As A Person?
Each and every person should be recognized as such, even if they are a submissive. There is nothing that can take someone's human rights away. If a dom tries to say your opinion doesn't matter because you are a sub, or if they try to assert that you have a lesser status in your social life because you are a sub, it is time to take a serious look at the relationship.
No matter how alluring it may sound at first, nothing is worth giving up your basic rights as a human.
In a BDSM relationship, one red flag doesn't necessarily mean that you need to stop a relationship. It does mean that you need to start paying a lot of attention to the relationship. No one else can stop a dangerous relationship besides you. You have to be the one to monitor your relationship.