I Think I Am A Masochist, What Causes Masochism?
A masochist is a person who enjoys pain and humiliation when it applies to them. There are a variety of different situations when a person may be masochistic, sometimes it is even in everyday life. What we are looking at today is those who are masochists in their sex life.
What Does Masochism Look Like in Sex?
Like with many sexual activities, masochism looks different for every couple (or group) that practices it. Masochism is most commonly associated with the desire to feel pain during sex or sexual activities. That could mean playing with pins, electricity, paddling, etc.
Another way it presents during sexual activities is the desire to feel humiliated or degraded. Name calling is the most basic form of this but it can vary a lot based on what someone desires. It could include photos, doing humiliating tasks, holding positions, eating disgusting things, etc.
Other activities such as bondage can also be considered masochism but sometimes that depends on who you talk to. Again, it all really depends on the activities you enjoy, why you enjoy them, and how you identify.
Not always, but in most cases a person who enjoys masochism falls under the category of a submissive. A person who enjoys being told what to do. However, not everyone who enjoys masochism chooses to identify as a sub or as part of a Dom/sub relationship.
What Causes Masochism?
When a lot of people hear about sexual masochism, they want to know where it comes from. That is hard to answer. There is no one theory that is widely recognized as to the origins of these activities.
One belief is that people enjoy different things and thus there are always people who enjoy activities that fall under the category of sexual masochism.
Another belief is that masochism stems from the repression of sexual fantasies that are forbidden. The desire for masochism increases, the more you repress the activities.
In some situations masochism can be considered part of a disorder known as paraphilic disorder. For most people though, masochism is just something that they enjoy. In order for it to qualify as a disorder the behaviors, desires, or fantasies need to impact the daily functioning or cause significant distress.
Is Masochism Normal/Healthy?
Without the causes of the masochism being clear a lot of people wonder if it is normal and healthy. In the vast majority of cases, there is nothing wrong with being a masochist. The enjoyment of the activities is completely normal.
There are two times when it is considered by the kink community to be unhealthy. First, if the kinks impact anyone who hasn't consented then it is considered unhealthy. Everyone who sees or plays a part in masochism must be aware of what is going on and consent to it. Members of the kink community will often not recognize you as part of the community if you violate this rule.
The other time that masochism is unhealthy is when it qualifies as a disorder. Even with a disorder, masochism can be normal if you work with a therapist to help prevent it from impacting your life. Masochists who have a disorder might find that they are anxious with everything they do. You will also have a strong inner critic.
You might find a lot of articles on sexual masochism disorder. These articles are often referring to what we mentioned above, paraphilic disorder. If you are interested in reading these, go ahead. Be careful where you find your articles though, there are still many organizations and individuals who are intent on spreading false narratives about masochism and kinks in general. Turn to trusted sources when reading about anything like this.
In short, we wanted to reiterate that it is completely okay to be a masochist or even just to have masochist desires.
Who Enjoys Masochism?
There is no one trait that those who have masochistic. People from all around the world enjoy masochism. While some people like to stereotype masochists as weak people or women, that is far from the truth. Men and women both can enjoy masochism, as can strong people. What a lot of people don't consider is the fact that a lot of people don't talk about their masochistic desires.
More people are becoming open when it comes to talking about what they enjoy sexually. The creation of sex positive environments and communities has helped with this. As has a global push to be more open minded and less discriminatory.
Where to Find a Partner for Masochism
If you are interested in looking for a partner to enjoy masochism, there are plenty of places to look. For some people they continue to date regularly and just ask their partner to indulge in their fantasies. Not all partners are willing to do that.
A great place to look for a person to practice your masochistic tendencies with is a BDSM dating site. Unlike traditional dating sites, BDSM dating sites do not have people who aren't interested in kink on them. The one thing to keep in mind is that many people on these sites have different kinks that they like. Luckily, most of them have a filter so you can filter out those who don't share the same kinks.
The last place we will mention for find a partner to help you explore masochism is in kink and fetish communities. Many of these communities exist both in person and online. Not only can you meet people to connect with but you can also get classes and other information on the kink world. Such classes can be especially helpful if you like bondage or other activities where they aren't self-explanatory.
We highly recommend that anyone who is interested in experiencing masochism give it a try. Especially in a safe environment with someone you trust. Masochism can be quite rewarding and give you experiences that vanilla sex can't. Look into the places we mentioned above to start looking for a partner.