How To Be A Dom

Dom, short for dominant, is the person who is in control during a BDSM play. Just because the dom is officially in control, doesn't mean that it is as easy as that. Being a dom takes just as much learning as being a sub (submissive). Learning to be a dom is a fun process that involves a fair amount of experimenting, fun experimenting.

An interesting point is that a female is usually not referred to as a dom, they are a domme. For the most part, a female dominant will follow the same suggestions here.

Learning The Dom Isn't The Only Controller

An important lesson for a dominant is that they aren't the only one in control. While they are the one to make decisions during the scene, the scene needs to be planned out. During the planning the sub gives just as much input as the dom. The sub always has the power to say no or to slow down. Just because you are engaging in BDSM, doesn't mean that you don't lose the power to consent to something.

Start Off Slow

Being a dominant isn't as easy as it sounds. The enjoyment you get from it is easy to get but learning to control someone in any form of BDSM takes work. Start with something slow and small. It could be as simple as a basic bondage scene or light impact play. This gives you a chance to experience what it is like to be a dom and learn from experience.

If you are playing with different people, you should know that very few people experience BDSM in the same way. You will have to learn how to adapt to different people's BDSM style.

Making Rules For A Sub

Subs don't just inherently know what you want from a scene. That is where rules come into play. A dom typically comes up with a number of rules for their sub. This might include persistent rules and rules just for one scene. Think about these rules and select ones designed to heighten the experience.

For the persistent rules, start off with no more than three. A lower number of rules gives your sub time to learn them. You can't spend the whole session punishing your submissive for not remembering the rules or you won't have the actual scene. As you go on, you can add more rules but try not to go overboard on the rules, this can make it less fun. It can also present challenges when you have to dismiss certain rules for different scenes.

Rules for individual scenes can be more numerous. They also can't be overloaded though. You can still cause confusion.

You Don't Just Yell Orders

Just going around and yelling your orders to your sub will work just about as well as it does at work. Learning to issue orders perfectly takes a lot of work. You will learn as you go but here are some tips.

An order should have an end goal included in it. For example, if you want your sub to get naked, it should be clear that you want that. But simply telling someone to get naked may do something for you but it isn't completely psychological. What you want to do is spell it out like you were a writer.

Tell her to get up, slowly take off her shirt, then bend over as she slides her pants down. That order has a clear intent and it sounds exciting at the same time.

Spending time in the details can help you to heighten the experience for both you and the sub. A sub who enjoys the experience more will help the dom to enjoy the experience more. Everyone has had a sexual experience that they just couldn't get into. This helps to prevent that.

Take every experience with BDSM as a way to learn. It may not seam too sexual to be learning while you play but you won't notice it during the play. It will also further heighten your experience for future play. Your sub will also appreciate your dedication to learning more about the art of domination, because it is exactly that, an art.